Skye's Sweet Onions of Forgiveness

So this is turning out to be the third of a three part post (see Love Defined and Spider Love). I didn’t really plan on a trilogy, but it’s turning out that way. Hopefully they’re not getting progressively worse, like the Matrix Trilogy. Actually, I probably shouldn’t say that, I don’t think I ever saw the third one. I don’t think I had any desire to by then.

In the other posts I (with a lot of help from of Catherine Thomas and Martha Beck) explored the idea of possessiveness in relationships and allowing space in our relationships with others, space for others to define who they are and who they are in relation to us, as well as space for change to occur in them and in their relationship with us and I kind of don’t want to end this sentence so that I can see how long I can make this run on sentence that I will leave as a paragraph unto itself.

At the suggestion of a Gemini, I recently read an article by my friend Skye that she wrote for the Sunstone magazine. It’s called The Sweet Onions of Forgiveness. Go read it, it’s not very long and how often do you get to read something with the phrase “Sunday School vogue”? For those of you who are too lazy, it’s about how growing up her brother was famous for not liking onions. Whenever they would have any kind of dish with onions they would tell him he won’t like it because it has onions in it. Until one day he exploded, saying that he actually now LIKES onions. Here’s what Skye had to say about what she learned from that experience about forgiveness:

My own experience in something as simple as a family gathering is evidence that it’s extremely difficult to behave differently than others expect. Despite moments of resolve, it’s very hard not to believe the subtle and unspoken suggestions from others about who we are, what we are worth, and what we will become. Perhaps it’s one of the reasons “bad” kids sometimes stay bad, criminals often stay criminals, abused children frequently grow up to abuse.

Jesus knows that if he wants his lost sheep back, it will have to be a group effort. He needs us to expect the best of each other, to honor the divinity in each other, to treat each other as though we’ve already moved on from our hang-ups. He needs us to keep passing the plate of oniony goodness, even if we think it will be refused. Because people can change. And it’s our job not only to let them, but to pave their way by treating them as though they already have.

As I’ve thought about my last two posts, it’s occurred to me how my trying to lock others into a relationship or displaying that suffocating spider love actually can play a role in being a stumbling block for others on their quest to become whole and can contribute to hampering their attempts to change. Allowing that space and eliminating assumptions about others actually draws people in. Allowing that space for change and room for forgiveness actually creates opportunities for stronger and more enriching bonds. I love taking two seemingly contrary ideas and combining them to land on a greater truth….allowing space to create greater closeness. Hmm, where else could the combining of contraries apply...