I am convinced that there must be grounds for doubt as well as belief, in order to render the choice more truly a choice, and therefore the more deliberate, and laden with personal vulnerability and investment. The option to believe must appear on one's personal horizon like the fruit of paradise, perched precariously between sets of demands held in dynamic tension. One is, it would seem, always provided with sufficent materials out of which to fashion a life of credible conviction or dismissive denial. We are acted upon, in other words, by appeals to our personal values, our yearnings, our fears, our appetites and our ego. What we choose to embrace, to be responsive to, is the purest reflection of who we are and what we love. That is why faith, the choice to believe, is in the final analysis an action that is positively laden with moral significance. The call to faith is a summons to engage the heart, to attune it to resonate in sympathy with principles and values and ideals that we devoutly hope are true, and have reasonable but not certain grounds for believing to be true.
Terryl Givens, "Lightning out of Heaven: Joseph Smith and the Forging of Community," forum address, Brigham Young University, 29 November, 2005
I sense that my worship differs from that of many with whom I share a pew in sacrament meeting. This difference arises, I think, from a difference in the focus of our fundamental human anxiety...[M]y anxiety is focused not upon whether my immortal soul may suffer damnation but upon whether I have an immortal soul. It seems a pity to take one's immortality for granted, to expect it and count on it. It seems a pity to be so sheltered from the terror of death that one's gratitude for the resurrection is merely dutiful and perfunctory. Perhaps truly there are religious advantages to doubt. Perhaps only a doubter can appreciate the miracle of life without end.
Levi Peterson, "A Christian by Yearning: Pillars of My Faith," Sunstone, September, 1988, 20.
(Both quotes were included in the article "Soulcraft 101: Faith, Doubt, and the Process of Education" by Boyd Peterson)
Tuesday, November 22, 2011
Tuesday, November 15, 2011
the spirituality of gayness
Last week, Kendall was sharing quotes from past LDS general authorities or other leaders on the topic of homosexuality on the Far Between Facebook page. Some of them were older doozies like this one from Ernest Wilkinson, who was the president of BYU for twenty years in the 50's and 60's and felt the need to address the topic of homosexuality during a devotional with the student body:
If any of you have this tendency and have not completely abandoned it, may I suggest that you leave the university immediately after this assembly; and if you will be honest enough to let us know the reason, we will voluntarily refund your tuition. We do not want others on this campus to be contaminated by your presence. ("Make Honor Your Standard" BYU Speeches of the Year. 1965-1966, Provo, UT: Brigham Young University Press, 1966, p. 9)
There is also this passage from a talk Boyd K. Packer gave at the priesthood session of conference in October 1976. You won't find this talk in the online archives of general conference talks though. Mostly because it is one hot mess:
I repeat, very plainly, physical mischief with another man is forbidden. It is forbidden by the Lord. There are some men who entice young men to join them in these immoral acts. If you are ever approached to participate in anything like that, it is time to vigorously resist. While I was in a mission on one occasion, a missionary said he had something to confess. I was very worried because he just could not get himself to tell me what he had done.
After patient encouragement, he finally blurted out, "I hit my companion." "Oh, is that all," I said in great relief. "But I floored him," he said. After learning a little more, my response was, "Well, thanks. Somebody had to do it, and it wouldn't be well for a General Authority to solve the problem that way." I am not recommending that course to you, but I am not omitting it. You must protect yourself. (The talk in its entirety can be read here.)
The story seems a little incomplete, like Elder Packer is leaving out some details, but it sounds like a missionary punched his companion after he made some unwelcome advances and Elder Packer thanked him for doing so. I share these quotes just to illustrate how the response to and treatment of homosexuality and homosexuals themselves seems to have largely come from a place of fear and discomfort, at the expense of those who have and do thoughtfully try to find a space for themselves within the religious tradition they were brought up in and love.
I wish I could just dismiss the quotes above as rare and isolated and from a time when we just didn't understand things the way we do now. But try telling that to the BYU freshman who after hearing President Wilkinson's talk is afraid to open up to anyone about how he feels for fear of being seen as a contaminating presence on campus and for fear of being asked to leave the school. Or the teenaged boy listening to Elder Packer in conference suggest that violence is sometimes the answer. If you haven't read the section on homosexuality in The Miracle of Forgiveness, you should check that out (or maybe don't).
The problem with all of the above is that it takes a while for the culture that builds up around these comments made by these men who wield significant influence to die out or change. It also doesn't help that comments are still being made and talks are still being given that still seem to come from a place of fear and discomfort. (see Elder Packer's October 2010 conference talk).
The church's most recent official publication on same sex attraction is God Loveth His Children. It's definitely much better than what President Kimball had to say in The Miracle of Forgiveness, and a lot of the language used is at least more uplifting and maybe parts of it are even empowering, but then you still get stuff like this:
It is not helpful to flaunt homosexual tendencies or make them the subject of unnecessary observation or discussion. It is better to choose as friends those who do not publicly display their homosexual feelings. The careful selection of friends and mentors who lead constructive, righteous lives is one of the most important steps to being productive and virtuous. Association with those fo the same gender is natural and desirable, so long as you set wise boundaries to avoid improper and unhealthy emotional dependency, which may eventually result in physical and sexual intimacy. There is moral risk in having so close a relationship with one friend of the same gender that it may lead to vices the Lord has condemned.
It's slightly better, but it still seems to encourage avoidance of reality. I'm not even sure what it means to flaunt my homosexual tendencies, or to publicly display my homosexual feelings. I think early on I took it to mean that I needed to scrub out any part of me that might appear gay. I realized that by following and buying into what the church taught about homosexuality left me feeling disconnected from self and others and the spirit. There's this sense of finality to the approach. Like we know all there is to know on the subject, so everyone fall in line. We believe in continuing revelation, but somehow that doesn't seem to apply to homosexuality. I think the first step of continuing revelation is opening myself up to the idea that more revelation is needed. If I think I know all I need to know, then of course I won't be struck with new ways of perceiving and understanding things.
I much prefer this quote by Hugh B. Brown: We have been blessed with much knowledge by revelation from God which, in some part, the world lacks. But there is an incomprehensibly greater part of truth that we must yet discover. Our revealed truth should leave us stricken with the knowledge of how little we really know. It should never lead to an emotional arrogance based upon the false assumption that we somehow have all the answers - that we in fact have a corner on the truth. For we do not.
I share all of this because I listened to this fantastic exploration of gender and sexuality on the way to work this morning and it feels so much more open to possibilities and continued understanding. It feels more empowering and inspiring. Go ahead. Listen.
If any of you have this tendency and have not completely abandoned it, may I suggest that you leave the university immediately after this assembly; and if you will be honest enough to let us know the reason, we will voluntarily refund your tuition. We do not want others on this campus to be contaminated by your presence. ("Make Honor Your Standard" BYU Speeches of the Year. 1965-1966, Provo, UT: Brigham Young University Press, 1966, p. 9)
There is also this passage from a talk Boyd K. Packer gave at the priesthood session of conference in October 1976. You won't find this talk in the online archives of general conference talks though. Mostly because it is one hot mess:
I repeat, very plainly, physical mischief with another man is forbidden. It is forbidden by the Lord. There are some men who entice young men to join them in these immoral acts. If you are ever approached to participate in anything like that, it is time to vigorously resist. While I was in a mission on one occasion, a missionary said he had something to confess. I was very worried because he just could not get himself to tell me what he had done.
After patient encouragement, he finally blurted out, "I hit my companion." "Oh, is that all," I said in great relief. "But I floored him," he said. After learning a little more, my response was, "Well, thanks. Somebody had to do it, and it wouldn't be well for a General Authority to solve the problem that way." I am not recommending that course to you, but I am not omitting it. You must protect yourself. (The talk in its entirety can be read here.)
The story seems a little incomplete, like Elder Packer is leaving out some details, but it sounds like a missionary punched his companion after he made some unwelcome advances and Elder Packer thanked him for doing so. I share these quotes just to illustrate how the response to and treatment of homosexuality and homosexuals themselves seems to have largely come from a place of fear and discomfort, at the expense of those who have and do thoughtfully try to find a space for themselves within the religious tradition they were brought up in and love.
I wish I could just dismiss the quotes above as rare and isolated and from a time when we just didn't understand things the way we do now. But try telling that to the BYU freshman who after hearing President Wilkinson's talk is afraid to open up to anyone about how he feels for fear of being seen as a contaminating presence on campus and for fear of being asked to leave the school. Or the teenaged boy listening to Elder Packer in conference suggest that violence is sometimes the answer. If you haven't read the section on homosexuality in The Miracle of Forgiveness, you should check that out (or maybe don't).
The problem with all of the above is that it takes a while for the culture that builds up around these comments made by these men who wield significant influence to die out or change. It also doesn't help that comments are still being made and talks are still being given that still seem to come from a place of fear and discomfort. (see Elder Packer's October 2010 conference talk).
The church's most recent official publication on same sex attraction is God Loveth His Children. It's definitely much better than what President Kimball had to say in The Miracle of Forgiveness, and a lot of the language used is at least more uplifting and maybe parts of it are even empowering, but then you still get stuff like this:
It is not helpful to flaunt homosexual tendencies or make them the subject of unnecessary observation or discussion. It is better to choose as friends those who do not publicly display their homosexual feelings. The careful selection of friends and mentors who lead constructive, righteous lives is one of the most important steps to being productive and virtuous. Association with those fo the same gender is natural and desirable, so long as you set wise boundaries to avoid improper and unhealthy emotional dependency, which may eventually result in physical and sexual intimacy. There is moral risk in having so close a relationship with one friend of the same gender that it may lead to vices the Lord has condemned.
It's slightly better, but it still seems to encourage avoidance of reality. I'm not even sure what it means to flaunt my homosexual tendencies, or to publicly display my homosexual feelings. I think early on I took it to mean that I needed to scrub out any part of me that might appear gay. I realized that by following and buying into what the church taught about homosexuality left me feeling disconnected from self and others and the spirit. There's this sense of finality to the approach. Like we know all there is to know on the subject, so everyone fall in line. We believe in continuing revelation, but somehow that doesn't seem to apply to homosexuality. I think the first step of continuing revelation is opening myself up to the idea that more revelation is needed. If I think I know all I need to know, then of course I won't be struck with new ways of perceiving and understanding things.
I much prefer this quote by Hugh B. Brown: We have been blessed with much knowledge by revelation from God which, in some part, the world lacks. But there is an incomprehensibly greater part of truth that we must yet discover. Our revealed truth should leave us stricken with the knowledge of how little we really know. It should never lead to an emotional arrogance based upon the false assumption that we somehow have all the answers - that we in fact have a corner on the truth. For we do not.
I share all of this because I listened to this fantastic exploration of gender and sexuality on the way to work this morning and it feels so much more open to possibilities and continued understanding. It feels more empowering and inspiring. Go ahead. Listen.
Monday, November 7, 2011
circling the wagons in SLC
This past weekend I attended the "Circling the Wagons" conference in Salt Lake, sponsored by Mormon Stories. It's gotten quite a bit of coverage in the local Utah media as well as some national media attention: Deseret News, Salt Lake Tribune, Religion Dispatches, Towleroad, and Huffington Post. John Dehlin posted the talk given by Kevin Kloosterman, a current bishop who flew in from Illinois for the conference on his own dime, on the Mormon Stories site. There was some concern that his remarks were misrepresented in the Salt Lake Tribune article linked above. I wasn't there for those remarks, but I was present when he bore his testimony at the meeting on Saturday. I found him to be very sweet and engaging. He was incredibly brave to do what he did.
I really enjoyed Carol Lynn Pearson's talk. She does a terrific job of inspiring and also not being proscriptive about what is the correct path to follow. She talked about Joseph Campbell and the Hero's Journey and compared it to the journey of the gay Mormon. This youtube clip does a pretty good job of explaining the Hero's Journey. I thought it was incredibly wise of her to tap into a big metaphor that allows itself to be accessible to a broad audience.
One of the great things about conferences like these is seeing people you don't get to see often enough, meeting people you've been getting to know online and meeting new people altogether. I got to meet a long lost cousin this weekend. He contacted me after reading this post about my namesake. We both are descendents of my great great grandfather, who I am named after. We descend from different wives though. Anyway, it was a great surprise to meet him this weekend.
I also ate some great food while I was there. If you live in SLC and haven't eaten at Mazza, go there right now. I also ate at Aristo's for the first time for my friend Dan's birthday on Friday and it was also delicious.
I really enjoyed Carol Lynn Pearson's talk. She does a terrific job of inspiring and also not being proscriptive about what is the correct path to follow. She talked about Joseph Campbell and the Hero's Journey and compared it to the journey of the gay Mormon. This youtube clip does a pretty good job of explaining the Hero's Journey. I thought it was incredibly wise of her to tap into a big metaphor that allows itself to be accessible to a broad audience.
One of the great things about conferences like these is seeing people you don't get to see often enough, meeting people you've been getting to know online and meeting new people altogether. I got to meet a long lost cousin this weekend. He contacted me after reading this post about my namesake. We both are descendents of my great great grandfather, who I am named after. We descend from different wives though. Anyway, it was a great surprise to meet him this weekend.
I also ate some great food while I was there. If you live in SLC and haven't eaten at Mazza, go there right now. I also ate at Aristo's for the first time for my friend Dan's birthday on Friday and it was also delicious.
Tuesday, November 1, 2011
circling the wagons
If you are in Salt Lake City this coming weekend (November 4-6), the Mormon Stories community is hosting a conference for LGBTQ and SGA Mormons. Go here to register and get more details about what specifically will be happening each day. There will be presentations by Carol Lynn Pearson, Bill Bradshaw and others. Whether you are in the process of sorting through the reconciliation of your sexuality with your spirituality for yourself or are a friend or family member wanting to know how to support someone you love, I think there will be some helpful information.
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