This is how it's done in Portland.
Saturday, May 26, 2012
Friday, May 18, 2012
it's so nice to meet you (or taking your boyfriend to utah)
Ryan and I went to Utah last weekend for my friend Ellie's wedding. The weekend was short and packed and lovely. I got to introduce Ryan to my family and vice versa. He also met some of my friends and I met more of his family. It's kind of a right of passage. Bringing someone you love and care about to meet the people who have made up the pieces of your life. To give your significant other a broader and deeper view into who you are.
It all went quite well. I'm really fortunate with my family. If you were to sit them down and press them, they'd tell you that they believe same gender relationships of the romantic variety are wrong. Maybe not in those exact words, but that general idea. However, I think most were genuinely excited to meet Ryan. Several of them expressed it in the weeks leading up to our visit. We kept it casual, a BBQ with the family at my parents' house. They did a really great job at welcoming Ryan and making him feel comfortable. No one broke out the Bible to read from Leviticus. Also, the fabric of society still seems to be in tact. We tried not to leave a mess of broken families deciding they want to get gay married in our wake. I think we were largely successful in that regard.
Friday we had lunch with Kendall. We did a little exploring at the new City Creek Mall afterwards, but I could feel it sapping the life from us, so I suggested we go lie on the grass in the sun somehwere. We ended up on Kendall's sleeping bag in Liberty Park talking about big ideas and using words like phenomenological. Well, it was mostly Kendall using that word and me gently poking fun. I realized how much I enjoy introducing people's minds and then sitting back and watching them enjoy each other's minds. (That kind of sounds like we got dirty there in Liberty Park, but it was all family friendly. Promise.)
Friday evening was a family dinner for the wedding at the Garden Park Chapel in SLC. Have you ever been there? The grounds were gorgeous. If I went to church there, I'd probably just opt for sitting out by the pond. Yeah. This chapel has a pond. The interior is just as lovely.
After the dinner, we met up with friends at Bruges to wish Dan and Ryan well as they were about to move across the country to Maryland.
Saturday was a day of eating. We started out by going to breakfast with Ryan's uncle, then we drove to Provo and had lunch #1 with some of Ryan's siblings. For lunch #2, we ate with my friends Ninny Beth, her new husband, Krisanne and Freyja. We ate at Communal and the food and conversation were lovely. Ninny and Krisanne told Ryan about when I came out to them and how surprised they were and Ryan wondered how they couldn't have known. Ryan told them how he thought I had a screw loose when he first knew me. Again, introducing minds is one my most favorite things.
We ended our gluttonous day at the ring ceremony and reception, which had a panini bar and like half a dozen different kinds of cake. We took it upon ourselves to try every single cake and decide which ones we liked the most.
I didn't get to see and introduce Ryan to everyone I wanted to, but our time was limited and I didn't want to completely overwhelm him, only just kind of.
It all went quite well. I'm really fortunate with my family. If you were to sit them down and press them, they'd tell you that they believe same gender relationships of the romantic variety are wrong. Maybe not in those exact words, but that general idea. However, I think most were genuinely excited to meet Ryan. Several of them expressed it in the weeks leading up to our visit. We kept it casual, a BBQ with the family at my parents' house. They did a really great job at welcoming Ryan and making him feel comfortable. No one broke out the Bible to read from Leviticus. Also, the fabric of society still seems to be in tact. We tried not to leave a mess of broken families deciding they want to get gay married in our wake. I think we were largely successful in that regard.
Friday we had lunch with Kendall. We did a little exploring at the new City Creek Mall afterwards, but I could feel it sapping the life from us, so I suggested we go lie on the grass in the sun somehwere. We ended up on Kendall's sleeping bag in Liberty Park talking about big ideas and using words like phenomenological. Well, it was mostly Kendall using that word and me gently poking fun. I realized how much I enjoy introducing people's minds and then sitting back and watching them enjoy each other's minds. (That kind of sounds like we got dirty there in Liberty Park, but it was all family friendly. Promise.)
Friday evening was a family dinner for the wedding at the Garden Park Chapel in SLC. Have you ever been there? The grounds were gorgeous. If I went to church there, I'd probably just opt for sitting out by the pond. Yeah. This chapel has a pond. The interior is just as lovely.
After the dinner, we met up with friends at Bruges to wish Dan and Ryan well as they were about to move across the country to Maryland.
Saturday was a day of eating. We started out by going to breakfast with Ryan's uncle, then we drove to Provo and had lunch #1 with some of Ryan's siblings. For lunch #2, we ate with my friends Ninny Beth, her new husband, Krisanne and Freyja. We ate at Communal and the food and conversation were lovely. Ninny and Krisanne told Ryan about when I came out to them and how surprised they were and Ryan wondered how they couldn't have known. Ryan told them how he thought I had a screw loose when he first knew me. Again, introducing minds is one my most favorite things.
We ended our gluttonous day at the ring ceremony and reception, which had a panini bar and like half a dozen different kinds of cake. We took it upon ourselves to try every single cake and decide which ones we liked the most.
I didn't get to see and introduce Ryan to everyone I wanted to, but our time was limited and I didn't want to completely overwhelm him, only just kind of.
Sunday, May 6, 2012
the sky
You guys, it's true what you've heard. It rains a lot in Portland. For a good chunk of the year, gray skies are pretty much a constant. I actually enjoy the rain though, so Portland and I get along well together. Plus, in the spring you get more sun breaks scattered in with the rain and more cumulonimbus clouds, and it makes for lots of beauty in the skies. I've kind of been obsessed with the sky this spring, which you may have picked up on if you follow me on Instagram. If you don't, here are some of the shots I've taken in the last couple of months.
Tuesday, May 1, 2012
the problem with celibacy
I remember a while back having a conversation with another active and orthodox member of the church after Sacrament meeting about the gays. My friend made the point that the brethren have said that we welcome and love those who are same sex attracted. She asked why then some are still so angry at the church and why they don't continue to or come back to attend church meetings and participate in the community of saints. I realize that if you are reading this and you are gay and are or have been Mormon, odds are you are laughing out loud and asking where to start listing the reasons why. It was a sincere question though and so I thought the question deserved a sincere response.
I don't remember exactly what I said, but it wasn't too long after Prop 8, so I think I said something along the lines that although that type of sentiment had been expressed here and there on occasion by a leader of the church, the lion's share of the church's focus and energy put into anything related to homosexuality was in the political arena fighting against same sex marriage. Actions speak louder than words and the message of "we love you and you are welcome here" was far over shadowed by the church's involvement in the politics of same sex marriage.
Of course there are several other reasons why those who are gay and Mormon choose not to participate or affiliate with the church any longer, some of them having nothing to do with the church's stance on homosexuality.
Overall, I do believe the culture in the church is moving towards a place of having more compassion towards those who are gay, even if the outreach is often comes across as awkward or condescending. I think it's a step in the right direction compared to how homosexuality was approached 20 or 30 years ago.
As loving and compassionate as the insitution and the people might become though, there will still be those who won't want to participate for doctrinal reasons. Andrew at Irresistable (Dis)Grace spells out why this is quite well in a recent post on his blog. The church asks those who are gay and for whom marriage to someone of the opposite sex isn't a viable path, to remain celibate. The problem with celibacy is that it goes against what is arguably the main theological thrust of the church: to marry and form families. It is not good that man should be alone. As Andrew says in his post, "A fully lived life of celibacy isn't fully lived at all."
The church has never required celibacy of a specific group of people. The advice to those who are single is be patient and always put yourself out there and prepare for the right one who might come along. Not so if you are gay. Just cut yourself off from the possibility of experiencing that in this life. The carrot might be dangled in front of you that in the next life all will be made right and you will have an opposite sex spouse. Ryan and I were talking about this and he made the excellent point that another problem is that the carrot really isn't all that enticing. Telling me I can have the blessing of an opposite sex spouse in the next life if I remain celibate in this life isn't all that motivating or inspiring.
As Andrew says in his post, "Think about it. You have failed at one of the major purposes of your mortal existence. The solution? Not much in this life. Look forward to what comes after this mortal existence. In other words, when you have failed at life, what you're supposed to do is just bide the rest of this time and wait (in hope and faith, but wait nevertheless) for this life to end." And what you get after this life ends is something you might not even want anyway. It becomes fairly easy to see why so many lose all hope and choose to end their mortal existence.
None of this is to say, "SEE, the church HAS to change!!" It's not even to say, "See how bad the homosexuals have it? Don't you feel sorry for us?" I suppose it's just a heads up. If you truly want to reach out to, love, support, and minister to those in the church who are gay, you have to understand the full reality of their situation; otherwise, the reaching out will come accross as empty platitudes that will fall on deaf ears.
I don't remember exactly what I said, but it wasn't too long after Prop 8, so I think I said something along the lines that although that type of sentiment had been expressed here and there on occasion by a leader of the church, the lion's share of the church's focus and energy put into anything related to homosexuality was in the political arena fighting against same sex marriage. Actions speak louder than words and the message of "we love you and you are welcome here" was far over shadowed by the church's involvement in the politics of same sex marriage.
Of course there are several other reasons why those who are gay and Mormon choose not to participate or affiliate with the church any longer, some of them having nothing to do with the church's stance on homosexuality.
Overall, I do believe the culture in the church is moving towards a place of having more compassion towards those who are gay, even if the outreach is often comes across as awkward or condescending. I think it's a step in the right direction compared to how homosexuality was approached 20 or 30 years ago.
As loving and compassionate as the insitution and the people might become though, there will still be those who won't want to participate for doctrinal reasons. Andrew at Irresistable (Dis)Grace spells out why this is quite well in a recent post on his blog. The church asks those who are gay and for whom marriage to someone of the opposite sex isn't a viable path, to remain celibate. The problem with celibacy is that it goes against what is arguably the main theological thrust of the church: to marry and form families. It is not good that man should be alone. As Andrew says in his post, "A fully lived life of celibacy isn't fully lived at all."
The church has never required celibacy of a specific group of people. The advice to those who are single is be patient and always put yourself out there and prepare for the right one who might come along. Not so if you are gay. Just cut yourself off from the possibility of experiencing that in this life. The carrot might be dangled in front of you that in the next life all will be made right and you will have an opposite sex spouse. Ryan and I were talking about this and he made the excellent point that another problem is that the carrot really isn't all that enticing. Telling me I can have the blessing of an opposite sex spouse in the next life if I remain celibate in this life isn't all that motivating or inspiring.
As Andrew says in his post, "Think about it. You have failed at one of the major purposes of your mortal existence. The solution? Not much in this life. Look forward to what comes after this mortal existence. In other words, when you have failed at life, what you're supposed to do is just bide the rest of this time and wait (in hope and faith, but wait nevertheless) for this life to end." And what you get after this life ends is something you might not even want anyway. It becomes fairly easy to see why so many lose all hope and choose to end their mortal existence.
None of this is to say, "SEE, the church HAS to change!!" It's not even to say, "See how bad the homosexuals have it? Don't you feel sorry for us?" I suppose it's just a heads up. If you truly want to reach out to, love, support, and minister to those in the church who are gay, you have to understand the full reality of their situation; otherwise, the reaching out will come accross as empty platitudes that will fall on deaf ears.
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