the result of being big in a place of tension

I believe that when we keep in mind the ideas espoused in the following quotes, constructive conversations like this can happen.

"By size I mean the stature of your soul, the range and depth of your love, your capacity for relationships.  I mean the volume of life you can take into your being and still maintain your integrity and individuality, the intensity and variety of outlook you can entertain in the unity of your being without feeling defensive or insecure.  I mean the strength of your spirit to encourage others to become freer in the development of their diversity  and uniqueness.  I mean the power to sustain more complex and enriching tensions.  I mean the magnanimity of concern to provide conditions that enable others to increase in stature." - Bernard Loomer

"From international relations to what goes on in the workplace to raising a teenager, we find ourselves living between reality and possibility, between what is and what could and should be.  But if we are willing actively to "hang in there" with a country, a colleague, or a child - holding the unresolved tension between reality and possibility and inviting something new into being - we have a chance to participate in the evolution of a better reality.  Standing in the gap is challenging, but the alternatives are irresponsible.  One is to fall out on the side of too much reality and into corrosive cynicism.  The other is to fall out on the side of too much possibility and into irrelevant idealism.  Both take us out of the action.  But if we are willing to stand between the poles, refusing to fallout, we have a chance to play a life-giving role in the development of a new child, a work-place, or a world that needs to grow into "the better angels of our nature." - Parker Palmer