Listening

I recently decided to give meditation a shot. I have read Eat Pray Love by Elizabeth Gilbert and attended a meditation 101 class at the Dharma Rain Zen Center and so I figured I am good to go. I really like what it does for me. It's hard to explain though, how just sitting there doing nothing and thinking about nothing could do anything for anyone. Please refer to the below text message conversation I had between me and my friend DR.

Me: I've recently taken up the practice of meditation and I like it.
DR: Do you just sit around and stuff?
Me: Yup. And listen. To who I am.
Me: That's deep right?
DR: Yeah. Way deep. When you listen are you still Jon?
Me: Nope. I'm Brandy.
DR: Hey Brandy. What's going on?
Me: Oh, not much. I'm just like helping Jon think and stuff.
DR: Hey Brandy. You're not related to the singer brandy....Are you?
Me: Oh, so you're familiar with my music?
DR: Oh Brandy! I'm so sorry I didn't know who I was speaking to. I'm your biggest fan.
Me: Exactly how big are you?

So in all of that there is something serious. I really do feel like meditation helps me listen to who I am. Our days are full of noise and doing things. Working, studying, playing, watching TV, listening to music, talking to people, listening to people. Listening to messages from people and media about who we should or shouldn't be, what we should or shouldn't do. Lots and lots of noise. And it becomes very easy to become disconnected from the core of who we are. The decisions we make and things we do become a reaction to all the noise around us instead of from our core. I believe that when we do that, we live disconnected, disjointed lives which makes it harder to connect with ourselves.

When I meditate, I force all of that out. I sit and focus on some insignificant object directly in front of me. I listen to myself breath. I listen to my body. Listen to noises I hear. The thub thub, thub thub of the washer upstairs. I feel the sun as it rises and its rays slowly reach out to me. Then I'm able to listen to who I am. There is clarity. And Silence. I am present instead of thinking about what happened yesterday or what might happen today. In that state I'm able to enjoy being with myself. Instead of reacting to situations and people from my disconnected self, I'm able to act from my core and it's more authentic. Life begins to have resonance and rhythm. Guaranteed that resonance and rhythm can fade and the disjointedness can return, but that's when I stop and listen. To who I am.