Sunday I had dinner with some friends. During the course of the meal, I was talking to a friend who told me she was speaking in church the following Sunday and had the coolest topic and was very excited about it. Then she said what the topic was. Self reliance. Meh, I thought. That’s boring.
I immediately thought of 72 hour kits and being financially responsible and job fairs and churning my own butter and I almost immediately fell asleep. Fortunately, she tacked on one more word and said that her take was going to be about spiritual self reliance. My mind sprang back to life and the wheels started churning something other than butter.
This is something I’ve often thought about but never boiled down to three succinct words. As a Mormon man who likes men (like more than just as friends), it’s difficult to find a good role model. In the past my options have appeared to be limited to two possibilities. The first would be to just pretend I don’t feel this way and marry a woman and live eternally ever after but not necessarily happily. The other option would be to leave the church and my spirituality behind and adopt an identity that didn’t seem to fit who I am either. Those are two well traveled paths.
Thankfully at some point, I began to realize that other options existed and that I needn’t rely on the examples of those I saw around me. Enter spiritual self reliance. I realized with the help of the spirit and personal revelation, I had the power to forge my own path. I could acknowledge the reality of my attraction to men, but also hold on to my spirituality and that the two could in fact coexist peacefully. I didn’t need to look to others to show me how to do this. I could be spiritually self reliant.
I immediately thought of 72 hour kits and being financially responsible and job fairs and churning my own butter and I almost immediately fell asleep. Fortunately, she tacked on one more word and said that her take was going to be about spiritual self reliance. My mind sprang back to life and the wheels started churning something other than butter.
This is something I’ve often thought about but never boiled down to three succinct words. As a Mormon man who likes men (like more than just as friends), it’s difficult to find a good role model. In the past my options have appeared to be limited to two possibilities. The first would be to just pretend I don’t feel this way and marry a woman and live eternally ever after but not necessarily happily. The other option would be to leave the church and my spirituality behind and adopt an identity that didn’t seem to fit who I am either. Those are two well traveled paths.
Thankfully at some point, I began to realize that other options existed and that I needn’t rely on the examples of those I saw around me. Enter spiritual self reliance. I realized with the help of the spirit and personal revelation, I had the power to forge my own path. I could acknowledge the reality of my attraction to men, but also hold on to my spirituality and that the two could in fact coexist peacefully. I didn’t need to look to others to show me how to do this. I could be spiritually self reliant.
almost as beautiful as that old lady churning. No, really. You're my muse. -NB (can't figure out how to use my own profile on this blasted thang)
ReplyDeletehey! That's about me! I gave that talk! We had that conversation! Hooray for being spiritually self relient!
ReplyDeleteThere are so many paradoxes in the Church. It teaches self-reliance but inculcates a culture that relentlessly pushes groupthink and tends to squelch individuality, and has little tolerance for deviations from the party line. Fascinating.
ReplyDeleteI agree with you, BTW. Spiritual self-reliance is crucial.