And the plot thickens

The other day over dinner, my brother-in-law was telling us about something he had read in a parenting book about letting your child make decisions, but also letting them experience the consequences, good or bad, of those decisions. An example was letting them choose what time they go to bed at night, but then making them get up at the same time the next day. I think it would also be important to mindfully talk through the experience with your child about what it was like to stay up late and then suffer the consequences the next morning. This is obviously a simple example, but I think it illustrates an important point. Guiding your children through difficult things to give them the tools to be able to process them in healthy ways as they mature.

The next morning I was wide awake at 6am, because that's what happens in the 15 hour future. I read from A Path with Heart and read something a list of 5 skillful means for working with difficulties, with a description of each means. The one I was reading about was called "Enacting it Mindfully." These skillful means are to help work through those difficulties or demons that just keep coming back and haunting us. Whether it's of our own doing or the doing of others, or most likely, a combination. The idea of Enacting it mindfully is to fulfill whatever difficulty or demon that keeps repeating itself while being aware of what is happening throughout the whole process.

The caveat is given, though, that you probably shouldn't do this if it involves genuine harm to yourself or others. Like if you feel like strangling someone who drives you nuts, you probably shouldn't carry through on that. The second caveat is that you must do it mindfully.

The author gives a specific example of a teacher he studied with who was hooked on sweets. Gulab jaman, to be exact. This was in India. I'm sure gulab jaman is delicious. Anyway, one day we purchased a lot of gulab jaman. A "mountain of sweets floating in an ocean of sugary syrup." He then proceeded to eat as much of it as he could, being mindful all the while of what he was experiencing. "He saw the peacefulness that came the moment the desire ended (at the first bite). He felt the pain of the desire. He felt the pleasure of the sweetness. He sensed the pleasure turn into oppression as he continued eating the same desired object." I guess the key is being mindful of my thoughts and emotions. Beginning to understand what drives me to do what I do. Then it becomes easier to understand myself and become master of my domain. Remember that Seinfeld episode? :) And when I say master of my domain, I don't just mean of my external behaviors, but I gain more control of the weather inside me. To me, if I gain control of the weather inside, the external takes care of itself. I just become, instead of always trying to control the external or the facade.

The author goes on to say, "There are many ways to dance with our difficulties. Each one is movement from unconsciousness to open attention." He also quotes the Indian saint Ramakrishna. When asked why there is evil/difficulty in the world, Ramakrishna answered, "To thicken the plot." Jack Kornfield, the author of A Path with Heart, goes on to say, "These very plot thickeners, often the most difficult and insistent ones, can lead us to open our bodies, hearts and minds. In doing so, we discover that these were never our true identity. Under all the tears, the pain, the fear, and the anger we have contracted ourself around, we can find freedom, joy, and ease in the face of all life."