Maybe Packer's talk was inspired after all

Yup. I just said that; however, I’m guessing that my reasons for thinking it was inspired are a little bit different than the reasons why many others thought it was inspired. For a while now, I’ve had this idea simmering in the back of my mind. I believe that God (or whoever/whatever you believe is in charge, assuming you believe something is in charge) uses all we are to carry out a divine plan, including our strengths, weaknesses, short-sightedness, prejudice. I believe he actually relies on everything we are to carry out that plan, including the strengths and weaknesses of those who lead the church.

I don’t want to attempt to dissect how much of Packer’s talk was pure inspiration from God, versus the result of his limitations as an imperfect mortal. To me, that’s what personal revelation is for. Elder Oaks once said, “I only teach the general rules. Whether an exception applies to you is your responsibility. You must work that out individually between you and the Lord.” What is more important to me now than the content of Packer’s talk is what the talk has sparked. Sure, it has sparked a lot of unproductive, condescending discussion coming from all sides, but I think it has also sparked a lot of thoughtful and productive conversations as well.

I know that in the past week, I had very productive conversations with my mom and my oldest sister. I feel like I was able to be more up front and honest and articulate about how I feel about the church’s approach to homosexuality and they’ve sought to understand where I’m coming from and I’ve done the same with them. I’ve also had friends reach out to me who aren’t totally comfortable taking everything Packer said without any kind of question or discussion, and want to have a well thought out and considerate response when people who aren’t Mormon ask what their thoughts are on the issue. They realize that if they just simply restate what Packer said, they are going to sound ridiculous.

I also observed a very civil and productive conversation that resulted when my uncle Mike posted something on Facebook. Mike is in the process of becoming a therapist and the discussion is between him and a couple of colleagues. They discuss reparative therapy and what the role of the therapist should be. They don’t all agree on everything, but the conversation is thoughtful and productive. I got permission from all involved in the conversation string to post a link to it here, because I think it is something worth reading. A lot of really great questions and ideas are explored. Below is what I contributed to the exchange:

This has been a fantastic conversation. I wish all discussions on the subject could be so respectful, open and as a result, more productive.

I am one who grew up in the LDS church and am also gay (and full disclosure: Mike is my uncle). For several years (close to a decade) I went the route of reparative therapy. I didn't really consider any other way as an option because of my religious beliefs. I firmly believed that I could and needed to change. After several years of attempting that route, and through a series of experiences, I realized a couple of things.

My attraction to men had not gone away and even though I enjoyed many close relationships with amazing women, I was developing absolutely no desire for it to be anything other than platonic. I tried to cross over into romantic relationships with a few women and it ended up being damaging to both of our psyches in each relationship.

Around this time, (a few years ago) I started seeing a therapist who helped me explore what I believed and why and what I wanted and why. This exploration helped me tease out what would be a viable approach for me. I began to realize that not only do I have agency to choose, but I also have agency to make meaning. I can decide for myself what it means for me to be gay and Mormon.

Currently that means that I'm pretty open about my sexuality and also currently active at church. Marrying a woman is off the table for me. I'm not in a relationship with a man, but I'm open to it. I don't seek it out. I just participate in things that interest me and if it happens, it happens. I have a group of other gay Mormon friends. Some of whom are active LDS, some who have left. One is currently married to a woman with two kids and one has a boyfriend. Before, l wouldn’t have associated with them because I believed it would undermine my end goal of becoming straight.

Since taking on this new approach, I've felt a resonance and rhythm flow into my adult life that I've never before experienced. To me, a good therapist is one who not only doesn't push his or her own agenda and presents different options, but also empowers the client to know that he or she doesn't necessarily need to rely on currently existing, well-trodden paths, but has the power within to make meaning and to make paths for themselves.

I’m not saying that Packer’s talk was fantastic and I fully embrace it now as being the mind and will of God. (Or I suppose that it isn't. I wouldn't assume that I know what's going on in God's head.) I’m just saying God works in mysterious ways. I know in my own life he’s worked in ways much more mysterious than I ever would have thought possible.