If I were a rich man

Nope. This isn’t going to be about musical theater. Stop stereotyping. You don’t know me! This IS about a fairytale though. A fairytale sent to me by a friend that tells the story of Princess Petunia, who is supposed to marry a Prince, even though she’s in love with Violet. Petunia’s plight is not unfamiliar to me and many others. I responded to my friend’s email with the following:

You are making me think on a Saturday morning. More and more I wonder what's so wrong with gay marriage. I think about this a lot at times and it's hard to reconcile how I feel with the positions of the church. There are a TON of gay LDS guys who, when they are young, start experimenting with their feelings. It's all done in secret because there are no official and overt avenues of exploring these feelings in healthy ways inside the church. Because it's done in secret, the avenues of exploration lead to unhealthy things. Mostly addictions. Whether they are sexual, drugs, alcohol, bad relationships, etc. There's a lot of self loathing. There are thoughts of “how horrible am I that feel this way, something that my church that I love and was largely formed by, teaches is evil”.

For most there's little choice but to start feeling apart from the church and to eventually make that feeling more of a reality on every level. It's that or stay in the church and continue feeling that they are damaged and unclean and less than. For many men, I think they would probably be better off emotionally and spiritually outside the church at this point, simply because the church is so far behind the curve in knowing what to do about all this or in handling it in healthy ways.

So I get back to my earlier point. What would be so wrong about the church being more accepting of homosexuality and gay marriage. I honestly don't think it would take away from the marriages that already exist. It would be very difficult for many people to swallow, but in the end I think it would lead to healthier young gay members and more love and acceptance and tolerance from members of the church. But maybe I'm not seeing everything. Maybe there's something I'm missing. I'm definitely willing to accept that I don't have the whole picture. In the meantime though, I'm left thinking the same question that a middle aged Jewish man wondered about why he couldn't be wealthy. Would it spoil some vast eternal plan?

I’m not naïve enough to believe that the church is going to change their position on homosexuality or gay marriage, but I do think the church could do a lot more to show acceptance of homosexuals without changing doctrines or policies for practicing members of the church. The problem, I think, is that the church has approached the subject almost exclusively in the political arena. There is sometimes a mention or two of the subject in General Conference about how those with homosexual inclinations are welcome in the church, but that’s largely where it stops. There’s not a lot of trickle down to the local levels, and even still the message seems to be or become, “you are welcome in the church, but please act straight and please don’t talk about it”.

I think a big misunderstanding by many is that this is all a purely sexual issue, and that perception makes it easy to view it as something perverse. Too often we forget to take a step back and acknowledge that maybe there’s a great deal of love between those in same sex relationships. As my friend BC recently wrote to me, “is it such a stretch to believe that homosexuality has a place in God's plan? that we're not abominations or perverts or hoodwinked? and what God would, in his great goodness and power, place such restrictions on love? people can say whatever they want about controlling appetites and passions, but there has never been a bad way to truly love.”