My friend Lizzy recently posted something called Finding your Tribe, and I'm going to piggyback on it because I too love the idea of finding my tribe.
I think one of the key parts of coming to terms with and becoming comfortable with my sexuality has been finding my tribe. You know when you find members of your tribe. Sometimes there is an almost instant ease and familiarity. Members of your tribe help you discover the very best parts of yourself. Lizzy described it as finding the scattered pieces of yourself. It's like you see something in a person's way of being that opens up a new way of being for yourself.
I think members of your tribe also allow you to be your true authentic self in a way that allows your true authentic self to emerge. They don't hold on to expectations of what they want you to be or what you have been in the past. They treat each interaction with you as an opportunity to know who you are in that moment, instead of allowing past perceptions to distort how they treat you in that moment.
Interactions with members of your tribe aren't limited to two roles interacting with each other, or two people trying to be what they think the other person expects/wants them to be. All of that is stripped away and it's soul to soul. Do you ever feel in life like you are merely an actor playing a part? Did you know that it doesn't necessarily need to be that way? Did you know you can show up as yourself and that when you do, it makes it easier to find members of your tribe?
Of course, the scary part is that in order to find your tribe, you have to allow yourself to be known. As you are. No roles to cling to. Mother, father, son, daughter, academic, Mormon, disaffected Mormon, homosexual, leader, follower, clown, skeptic, insert job title. All those roles have to be stripped away to leave just you. Naked. Vulnerable. Ready to be known.
When you do that though, when you strip away the roles and allow yourself to be known, you find members of your tribe and you experience a two way flow of love and energy that is beautiful and nourishing and healthy and sustainable. It's truly transformative.
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I love the paradox that in order to be cloaked in the comfort of our tribe, we must first be naked, vulnerable, out there seeking to connect. It's like Christ says--to find our life we must first lose it.
ReplyDeleteAnd for the record, I'll be in a tribe with you any day, Jon.
At first I was thinking that you meant your tribe as in the 12 tribes of Isreal. I was a little confused at first. ;) My LDS roots showing through on that one.
ReplyDeleteI like the post. :) How very introspective.
So, true!
ReplyDeletecan we chant? will there be fire? do I really have to be naked? I'll get back to you. But first, I'm going to Sonic.
ReplyDeleteBut seriously. I think that's why MNJ loves you so much. You two beat your chests to the same rhythm. On the other hand, I don't believe I really have a tribe, and that makes me jealous of your tribe. Even though I have been inducted as an honorary member to your tribe, I'm not really a part of it in a true sense. I think you just caused me to make a very defining realization about myself. That is why I am so jealous and always seeking out friendships and groups to be a part of. hmmm. gotta go think this one out.
ReplyDeleteFINALLY! A reason for all of your tribal tattoos! I'll make leather chokers for everybody.
ReplyDeletemandi, i have long considered you part of my tribe. As a matter of fact, I've asked Geoffwah to make us matching leather chokers. :)
ReplyDeleteThis is a really great post. It resonates with me.
ReplyDeleteI am role-playing. And when I "act" as what I am "supposed" to be or what others want me to be, I can't connect or be real and all I feel is like I'm acting. So how can I feel tribal with others if I can't stop role-playing? What if the role-play is so entrenched that one can't stop? How does one stop acting?
Hi Beck. That's like the million dollar question. I think it starts by seeking out things that resonate with you, whether it's books or art or some other hobby that you feel passionate about. Find people who share your passions and who you can connect with face to face.
ReplyDeleteAlso, I think everyone needs to have at the very least a few people with whom they can be completely honest. With whom they allow themselves to be known. Even (and especially) if it's painful and uncomfortable. It's gotta be people that you have in person interaction with too. Online interactions only get you so far. I think it's probably nearly impossible to feel completely loved and accepted if you don't allow at least a few people to know the whole you. Otherwise, you always have the excuse in your back pocket to not accept their love because if they knew everything you were thinking/feeling, they wouldn't love you.
Thanks JonJon... you've inspired in me a whole post that I've now piggybacked onto my blog.
ReplyDeleteWe all need a few people with whom to be completely honest. You're right! When that happens, it is tribal magic.
Thanks for triggering so many thoughts and feelings.
Tribal magic! I think that needs to be said in tribal paint and with jazz hands.
ReplyDeleteYou triggered thoughts and feelings in me too. Thanks!
I love that term, "tribal magic". Because it feels like it. Something magical happens. It's an experience that I had never had before. It was the opposite of everything I was taught to believe negatively about it.
ReplyDeleteLooking back at that one long and terrifying moment that I finally let myself go out and seek after people who resonated with the same things as me, I was terrified! Because, to do that meant I had to abandon 30+ years of false layers, beliefs and feelings about myself that I had been hiding behind. And to make it worse, the things that I resonated with were the very things that I had been taught all my life were the epitome of evil.
I was to finally find my tribe, but my tribe was the enemy of everything I had ever known or at least I had been taught was my mortal( and moral) enemy.
Terrified isn't even a strong enough word!
I was also terrified that what I had been taught might been true, (turns out it wasn't true). Terrified that I would be rejected 100% by everyone I ever knew. (that was only 5%ish true). And terrified that even the tribe itself was an illusion. (100% untrue) The reality is that the tribe is made up of people just like you! Who all have similar struggles and conflicts who are all looking for the same thing.
The magic when we all come together is exhilarating.
I totally know what you mean, TGD. It's kind of scary at first but can turn out to be quite magical.
ReplyDeleteI think it's also interesting that the love and acceptance I was searching for was found in people and things, ways of thinking, etc. that before I would have considered apostate.
Hello there, Jon! It looks like I may be doing a little stalking as well ;) I've enjoyed catching up on your posts and reading through your thought processes. You're a delightful person!
ReplyDelete