growing is forever

My friend Ellie had this video on her blog, and I loved it too much not to share.

Growing is Forever from Jesse Rosten on Vimeo.

From Mandi, with love

Did anyone else see the posts on Facebook at the beginning of the year where someone would promise to send something homemade to the first five people to comment, but you had to post the same thing and send something homemade to the first five people to comment on your post? A homemade "pay it forward" if you will. Well, Mandi did that, but hers was the best because she said you didn't have to pay it forward if you didn't want to. I, of course, jumped right on that. I guess that's the kind of guy I am. Sorry, Helen Hunt and Haley Joel Osment.

Mandi made me this gorgeous pillow case with her own two hands and I got it in the mail today. I'm having some of the guys over to watch Angels in America tonight. I'm thinking a fight is going to break out over who gets to use the pillow. I should go hide it before they get here...

Jarrett gave me these hot pads several months ago when he was still living here. Maybe next someone will make me some curtains or a cover for my couch.

Do these men look familiar? They should if you've been reading my blog for a while. These built cartoon men seem to show up every now and then. I think it's a sign. Of what, I'm not sure.

Lead With Love

On my way to work this morning, I listened to the Fabreeze do an interview with the makers of a documentary called Lead With Love. The following description of the documentary is on its website:

Lead With Love is a 35-minute documentary created to provide comfort, information, and guidance for parents who have recently learned that their son or daughter is lesbian, gay, or bisexual. The film follows four families as they share their honest reactions to hearing that their child is gay, including the intense emotions, fears, and questions that it raised. Interviews with psychologists, teachers, and clergy provide factual answers to parents' most commonly asked questions, as well as concrete guidance to help parents keep their children healthy and safe during this challenging time.

You can actually watch the documentary at the website. I haven't seen it yet, but based on the interview on RadioWest, it sounds like a good thing. I'd include a link to the RadioWest interview but it appears as though that section of KUER's website is now blocked at work. Lame. Anyway, you can go to KUER's website and navigate to the RadioWest page from there.

Also, if you live in Salt Lake City, there will be a free public showing of the documentary at the Salt Lake Library tonight at 7:00 pm with a panel discussion afterwards. Go, because I can't and I want to hear about it.

Chocolat and the Shadow

I think we can't go around measuring our goodness by what we don't do - by what we deny ourselves, what we resist and who we exclude. I think we've got to measure goodness by what we embrace, what we create and who we include.

-Pere Henri in Chocolat

Not that there aren't things that we are better off not engaging in or engaging in moderation, but I think there's something to be said for defining goodness by who we are and what we create and who we include as opposed to what we refrain from doing and who we don't interact with. Looking at it that way opens up new pathways and new ways of being that might have previously been left unexplored. If we focus on what we don't do, we run the risk of pushing those desires that are a natural part of us into our shadow, only to see them rear their heads in unexpected and almost uncontrollable ways.

(Cue the scene from Chocolat when the mayor who vehemently opposed the chocolate shop, breaks into the shop and at first starts trying to destroy the chocolate sculptures in the display window but then accidentally gets a small taste and ends up stuffing himself with the chocolate and passes out until the next morning when he is found with chocolate all over his face.)

Portlandia!

Friday night I am going to see the premiere of a show called Portlandia that is going to be on IFC. It stars Fred Armisen and Carrie Brownstein and it's about Portland, where the dream of the 90's is still alive:

Also, where we put birds on things:

And where we read everything and talk about it in coffee shops:

One more thing. I was looking at Google Analytics and it told me that someone found my blog by doing the following search: "if i am in a wheelchair can i have a lap dance?" I asked my friend Kristine, who comments here, and she informed me that of course you can! Not that she speaks from experience though...

Benefits of being seen

Watch this TED talk. It's fantastic. There are a whole bunch of ideas in this 20 minutes to delve into and dissect and explore. There's one (maybe two) in particular though, that I want to explore in this post. The first is that in order to feel loved by and connected to other people, we have to allow ourselves to be seen. Althought I probably wouldn't have articulated it in this way when I started coming out, I realize now what that gave my coming out momentum was the love and connectedness I began to feel. I've never seen Pleasantville, but I think the movie probably provides a good visual. Everything changes from being in black and white to color. I was pretty much an island before and had a difficult time connecting with very many people. If someone expressed their love to me, I didn't believe it.

That brings me to the other idea I wanted to explore, the idea that those who have a strong sense of feeling loved and belonging have a strong sense of worthiness and vice versa. Worthiness is a word that I believe is used in Mormon culture in a way that has bastardized both it's meaning and many people's sense of self worth. It becomes a tool in creating islands out of people. People who don't feel worthy, have a more difficult time feeling connected to and loved by those around them. I think this is particularly true with gay Mormons.

The church has definitely softened some on the gay issue over the years and become slightly more nuanced in their approach, but there is still a disconnect between what the official church stance is and how it plays out in individual congregations. There's even some level of disconnect at the highest levels on what the stance is, as evidenced by the difference between Packer's recent conference talk and the edits that followed in the published version of his talk and the church's press release that was a response to the HRC's petition.

All of that is beside my point though. My point is that even though the language of the church's stance has changed to say that it isn't a sin to be attracted to the same gender, the reality is that it doesn't necessarily play out that way at the "street level." Some parents and local church leaders still encourage dating and marriage of the opposite sex. Others might not overtly encourage that, but might more covertly do it by encouraging gay members to work on diminishing the attraction or by asking them not to associate with other homosexuals. The official words say that it's not a sin to have a homsexual orientation, but the actions say please pretend like this isn't your reality.

Taking it a step further and tying in the first paragraph, the actions ask gay members to remain hidden and not seen, which in turn actually hinders so many gay members from being able to fully connect with and feel loved by those around them. I realize this isn't every gay members' experience, but I think it's a pattern that has been repeated enough to tell us something is wrong with how we're currently doing things.

Itty Bitty Salt Lake City

I have a messenger bag. It's pretty simple and nondescript. Just your run of the mill, canvas messenger bag. There's a guy at work who thinks it's the greatest thing ever. Several months back, he told me in the elevator that he liked my bag and asked where I got it. Whenever he sees me with the bag now, he comments on how much he likes it and how he's looked everywhere and can't find anything like it. He asks what kind of bag it is and I tell him it's a messenger bag and that I'm pretty sure they are everywhere. He says they're not and that he's looked everywhere and can't find one. I'm pretty sure I didn't snatch up the last messenger bag in existence, right? I wonder how much he'd be willing to pay for my messenger bag...

Kiley did post recently about her thoughts on the prospect of living in Utah again. (As I'm typing this I'm having some extreme deja vu. Maybe I've already talked about this?) Anyway, I've had some of the same thoughts over the past year. It's almost been 8 years since I've lived away from Utah, and for most of that time I have never wanted to move back. I think I've gotten to the point however, where I could actually enjoy living there if I ever ended up there again. I think I've grown into myself a bit and maybe Utah is growing up a bit and I think we could have a pretty decent relationship. I'm not making an announcement about moving back, just saying I wouldn't hate it if I did. Below is a list of some of the things I'd enjoy/explore if I lived there (not to mention some incredibly cool friends who seem to be congregating there as of late).

The Copper Onion
Mazza
Eva
Communal
Trevor Southey's Reconciliation Exhibit
Jung Society of Utah
The King's English
Ruth's Diner
Sundance Film Festival
Pioneer Theatre Company
The Cathedral of the Madeleine
Red Iguana

I realize about half of my list consists of restaurants. I blame this on Christina. She has turned me into a food snob.

I also know a couple of ladies who swear by happy hour at Sonic. What else? You who live or have lived in the SLC, what do you do there to feed your soul/tummy?

World Peace

I have to admit, if I saw people walking around with a "free hugs" sign, my first instinct would probably be to steer clear. Who knows though. Maybe the secret to world peace is free hugs.

We are all connected, after all....

Also, check this out.