About a month ago, MNJ had to come to Portland for work, so he arrived a day early and we spent the day shopping and eating delicious food. He and Mandi gave me this book for my birthday.
Apparently, they think I need some butching up. I'd like to share with you some things I've learned. Chapter three of the book is on Love and Sex. There is a section in this chapter with the title "How to Identify Breast Implants". This has come in very handy. I like to know what I'm working with when talking to a woman. Am I right, fellas? No? Well, here are the six things to look for to spot fake, vine ripened chest fruit.1. Remember: if they look too good to be true, they probably are.
2. Assess breast size as compared to frame size.
3. Be suspicious of baseball-shaped breasts or strangely arranged breasts (remember the spring break episode of Arrested Development? If not, find it and watch it.)
4. Check cleavage for rippling of the skin.
5. If appropriate, brush up against or hug someone with suspected breast implants.
6. Check under and around the breast for scarring. (I think it's safe to say I probably won't ever get the chance to use this method.)
While we were out shopping, we found a fun store with fun masks. You can call me Cleopatra and MNJ Queen Elizabeth. Emphasis on the Queen.
We also stopped by Little Winter, where I bought this print by Lisa Golightly. She has some fantastic stuff. Check it out on Etsy.
"vine ripened chest fruit." I think that phrase may have just given me herpes.
ReplyDeleteAnyong.
ReplyDeleteSorry, I couldn't resist. That Spring Break episode was hilarious!
i was watching arrested development the last couple days.
ReplyDeletei am asked on occasion if i have breast implants because they seem to big, esp in comparision in my frame. but they're real. so it seems like its not 100% foolproof.
yes - i am pining for more PDX food. p.s. you look totally hot with beaded hair. come to TN & we can show you the "down home - southern hospitality" we are known for. also - there are lots of fake boobs for you to test out your new found man skills on.
ReplyDeletecome visit soon . . .
Ha ha! Love the masks.
ReplyDeletedon't forget about back fat. big boobs + no back fat= fakies. Also lopsidedness. Always a dead giveaway. I don't ever get asked if I have implants. They're most definitely NOT too good to be true. Ask MNJ.
ReplyDeletewait, you have a trainer??
ReplyDeletelol, but srsly!
ReplyDeleteKDubs, are you mocking me?
ReplyDeleteno way, you're like the least mockable person on the planet. (but i do think i've been watching too much verymarykate.com) besides, i think i'm afraid of too much earnestness, it's beyond my maturity level.
ReplyDeleteLove that print. And while my breasts ARE too good to be true. They are. They absolutely are.
ReplyDelete