Taking a cue from Mark Wahlberg

This isn’t really going to be another installment about my trip to SLC. Well kind of. For a little bit at first. Then I’m gonna talk about something else. You’ll see. Just stick with me.

Saturday morning I had some time before the sealing (in which I was warned of the evils of phonography)and so I met a friend downtown for a breakfast of muffin tops. We didn’t really plan for that to be our breakfast, but we discovered there are precious few decent breakfast options in downtown SLC on a Saturday morning. The nice lady at the Nauvoo Café in the Joseph Smith Memorial Building said the raspberry muffin tops were delicious (and pretty much the only thing she had to offer) and so I gave one a whirl.

Before all that though, I was waiting for my friend to arrive and he texted me to let me know he was running late, so I decided to venture into the Evergeen conference that was going on. If you don't know what Evergreen is, go to their website and you can get a taste. The conference was in the Joseph Smith Memorial Building, so I ventured in to the elevator bank to head to the appropriate floor. A sweet elderly missionary lady approached me and asked if I was there for the bishop's meeting (I was in a suit and tie for the wedding). I said that I wasn't. Then she asked, "Are you here for...the OTHER meeting?" I asked what other meeting and she leaned in closer and said in hushed tones, "Evergreen". I smiled and said that I was and so she directed me into the chapel where they were listening to the keynote speaker.

The keynote speaker was Bruce Hafen, who I believe is in the first quorum of the 70. Here's a link to his address. I only stayed for a few minutes of it, but read it after the fact online. There are some things in his talk that I thought were good, but there were lots of things that I disagreed with. I thought about going through the talk and explaining what I didn't like and why, but I don't have the strength. Instead, I'm going to take a general approach. Again, stick with me.

If you are gay and Mormon, you have probably heard the dragon story by Jeff Robinson. Since there are people who read my blog that don't fall into the fun "gay mormon" demographic, I’ll explain. Jeff Robinson is a well known LDS therapist who presents at Evergreen conferences and practices in Utah County as a therapist who works to help men overcome homosexual feelings. He often employs an allegory in which he compares homosexuality to a dragon. He says that LDS men who have homosexual feelings erroneously believe that they need to show up with a sword ready to go to battle and fight the dragon (in order to overcome their homosexual feelings). Instead, he says, you just need to walk away from the dragon and that if you do, the further you walk away, the smaller the dragon will get until he passes from out of view. That’s how you overcome homosexual feelings.

Elder Hafen used an anology that was similar in some ways but his was an angry dog. The thing that I don’t like about all this is that homosexuality is portrayed to be some big, ugly, angry beast that exists for the sole purpose of destroying me and dragging me down to hell. What if that’s not how I view the dragon? What if his name is Elliot and he’s not actually out to destroy me? What if we are friends and sometimes we go to lunch together? Maybe we like to go shopping sometimes, and he helps me find nice clothes that fit well. Maybe having him around makes me a little bit more compassionate and helps me reach out to those around me who don’t feel like they have a place. Perhaps Elliot makes me the type of man who is safe. Safe for women who have developed issues with men for whatever reason. I’m not threatening in the ways that a straight man might be. Maybe Elliot and I provide a safe place for these women to work through those issues and gradually learn to trust that there are good and decent men in the world. Maybe I’m grateful to have Elliot around and think that there might even be some divine purpose for having that silly green dragon as my friend.

Instead of doing battle or just walking away, maybe try sitting down and talking with your dragon, you know, Mark Wahlberg style. “Hey dragon, how are you? Say hello to your mother for me, ok?” See if maybe there’s something about your dragon that makes you a better, more well rounded person. Definitely don’t confuse him with another dragon called addiction, sexual or otherwise. They are two separate dragons and the addiction dragon actually IS out to destroy you. Elliot though, he’s not so bad. Don’t let the addiction dragon scare you away from having a healthy relationship with Elliot. He might actually be around to help make you a better person if you give him a chance.