Witchy Woman

I went to step class on Saturday morning. I ended up only doing the first half, which is just cardio. The second half is with weights and my back was feeling tight and knotty, so I opted out of the second half because I didn’t want a repeat of this.

I got there and got myself all set up and situated and this lady who I’ve seen at the class a couple of times was there and set herself up right behind me. This woman is probably at least 70 and is always wearing the same t-shirt when she comes to class. It says “Witchy Woman” on it. One time, a long time ago, she got mad at someone for setting up too close to her. The combination of her witchy woman t-shirt and that experience from a while ago and that fact that she has this really thick Scottish accent has left me with the impression that she is an angry woman. What is it about a Scottish accent that makes it sound like the person is angry at you? Another funny thing about this woman is that she also always wears those fluffy chenille socks that are meant to just be worn around the house. They are totally unelasticized and so they just bunch up thickly around her ankles. She also wears old school umbro soccer shorts and has short short white hair.

So she got all set up behind me and started to chat me up. At first it was fairly innocuous…weather changing, the class isn’t so crowded this morning, etc. Then she crossed the line into conversation that you save for people you actually know, like surgeries she’s had recently, her mother who is still in Scotland (who’s got to be damn near 100 years old), etc. As she tells me all this stuff, she starts to take her pants off. I know they were just warm up pants and she was wearing her umbro shorts underneath, but there was something about watching someone old enough to be my grandmother take her pants off that made me a tiny bit uncomfortable. I felt like I should look away, but she was talking to me and my mother taught me to look at people when they are talking to me.

Anyway, we can add her to the cast of characters at step. What to call her though? I think Witchy Woman would be too obvious. If Courtney and I needed to talk about her, she might catch on if she’s nearby. I’m thinking something less obvious. Chenille perhaps.