Going Rogue, Moho Style

I don’t know if I’ve ever mentioned this on my blog, but I am the ward mission leader in my ward. This was a very difficult calling for me to accept. It took some negotiating and convincing before I accepted. I don’t really like the church’s approach to missionary work. I think it’s too corporate. I’ve been to way too many training meetings with PowerPoint presentations and flow charts and numbers and graphs. Sometimes I feel more like I am in a sales training meeting, and I guess I kind of am, but it feels so gross to me. Also, I’m pretty laid back when it comes to missionary work. If they are really interested, they’ll come to me. If not, meh, who cares? I also, at times, find it hard to go to bat (yup, sports analogy) for an organization that I feel hasn’t always gone to bat for me.

Normally, my modus operandi (a sports analogy AND a little latin, where else are you going to get that?) is to accept without question and mindlessly conform. I can’t do that anymore. That’s why it took some negotiating and convincing. I laid my concerns out for my bishop and he said he had no problem and still felt like the calling was for me. I figured as long as he knew where I was coming from and we had an understanding, I could feel ok about accepting the calling. The experience has been one of doing things or not doing things in a way that I feel comfortable with. In a way that I feel is true to who I am. And while doing that, feeling ok about it.

We recently got sister missionaries in our ward. They are kind of intense but have good intentions. We met for the first time on Sunday and Ariel (rockstar ward missionary) was there. They told me about a girl they are teaching who had some doubts/questions. Ariel elaborated that those doubts included the role of women in the church and the church’s stance on homosexuality. Ariel and I exchanged smiles and afterwards she and I talked. We decided to visit the young lady and did so last night.

Before doing that, however, I had tithing settlement. I told the bishop about the girl who the missionaries are teaching and told him that Ariel and I were going to go visit her and discuss some of her concerns. I warned the bishop that this would probably include telling the girl about my own homosexuality. I also said I wouldn’t sugar coat things. There are lots of things about the church’s approach or lack of approach to homosexuality that don’t sit well with me and I wouldn’t pretend that I felt differently. I would, however, share my testimony about why I still choose to affiliate myself with the church and why, at the end of the day, I still love it.

My bishop is a good man. His first concern was whether or not this would put me in an uncomfortable position. The only other thing he asked was that I be prayerful about the whole thing. I think one of the best things I’ve learned from all of this is the importance of going through the process of wrestling, whether it’s with a church calling or relationship or project or whatever. Instead of automatically walking away or conforming, find that third option. Figure out how you can be true to who you are and what you believe and bring your own experience to enrich that calling or relationship or whatever you might be wrestling with. It will help you learn more about who you are and what you believe and will bring fresh air to that calling or relationship.

I was hesitant to accept the calling and my feelings about it have been up and down, but right now I feel good about what I’ve been able to do and that I haven’t been a typical ward mission leader (not that there’s anything wrong with that). How many ward mission leaders go to Sunstone symposiums with recent converts or talk frankly to potential converts about homosexuality. BOO-yeah.