Uncircling the wagons

We all have defensive strategies. Some of them were developed when we were young, as a way to cope with things we didn’t understand or were unable to process in mature and healthy ways. As we get older, however, those coping mechanisms outlive their usefulness and actually serve to hold us back. Case in point: when I was younger I was very uncomfortable around grown men. Actually pretty much any male, unless he was 10 or younger. At some point as a child I decided to just not interact with men. For many reasons (some known and I’m sure others not known) I decided there was too much risk emotionally. Not that I thought about it in those terms when I was little, but that’s how I see it looking back.

Obviously, that type of defensive strategy isn’t sustainable, given that roughly half the world’s population is male. As it turns out, if you want to lead any semblance of a happy healthy life, you need to learn how to relate to men. At some point I abandoned that train of thought and started to trust. This isn’t about me though.

I think the church developed a defensive strategy in its infancy that has long outlived its usefulness. I think the church has a persecution complex and as a result tends to circle the wagons a bit too much. The wagon circling began back in the early days of the church out of necessity. Back then it was a more literal circling of the wagons, but I think we still hold on to that in a more figurative sense. I think as a church we sometimes circle the wagons against anything unfamiliar to different from us.

One case in point is a post by Abelard Enigma. As far as I can tell, Abe is like the godfather of online Mormon homosexuals. You can put that on your resume, Abe. The story of the young man in his post is played out all the time. The story of people on the fringes who don’t fit the mold and have a hell of a time finding reasons to stay in the church. I don’t think members purposefully try to exclude those on the periphery. I think it’s just kind of an almost instinctual reaction that occurs as a result of decades and decades of cultural inbreeding. Words like “peculiar people” are worn as a badge of honor, but I think those words have taken on a different meaning than what was originally intended. I think in some ways it’s become more of an excuse for social awkwardness or feeling like we don’t fit in. I’m pretty sure there’s a better way of being a peculiar people than by being so socially isolated that we are only able to relate to those who share our own religious beliefs.

Another case in point: The church issued a pamphlet a couple of years ago called God Loveth His Children, which specifically addresses same sex attraction. The following counsel is given: “it is not helpful to flaunt homosexual tendencies or make them the subject of unnecessary observation or discussion. It is better to choose as friends those who do not publicly display their homosexual feelings.” I’m not even really sure what the first part means. Should I not be blogging about it? To me it has the feeling “it’s ok if you feel this way, but please try to pretend not to.” As far as the second sentence goes, it would probably be better for you if we weren’t friends because I am fairly public about my homosexual feelings. Is that what it means?

I guess my point is, I think we’re a lot more scared of homosexuality than we need to be. Sure, there are some homosexuals out there who flaunt and display in disgusting ways and with whom it would probably be better not to identify yourself with or look to for guidance as you try and figure out what it means feel the way you do, but there are also members of the church at the other end of the spectrum with whom it would also not be a good idea to identify with. I think each extreme can be destructive in its own special way.

I don’t think we are the small, persecuted church that we once were. The strategy of circling the wagons against those not like us has outlived its usefulness and I think actually holds us back. I think we can afford to be more expansive and inclusive without destroying the core doctrine of the church. Another thing I’ve discovered is that as someone on the fringe, I don’t have to shave off my corners to fit in the round hole. On the contrary, I have the opportunity to explore what great things the fringe has to offer and bring it back to share with the mainstream.